i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
