He felt like a one man threesome
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
