shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
