If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
