If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just tell him i said nine months
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize