When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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