marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we have officially lost it.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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