party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
