I just pynch a tree in the face
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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