you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
