from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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