so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
