please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
