btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
