He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
