then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
