Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
