I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
