Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
