The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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