She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
