When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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