Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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