there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
