Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can't turn off my feet"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
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