Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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