So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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