I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
