just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
