You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
