I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
