Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
