im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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