she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
