No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
