maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think people are normalizing furries
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
