i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
