im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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