Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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