wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
only if we run a train.
done.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
