You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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