I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
