I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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