there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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