Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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