This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
