yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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