Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
