And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
