Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
