angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
