a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
