she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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