I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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